Often, I've come across individuals who, while in conversation, will stumble into a rendition about 'how miserable life is.' The adult children are wrecking havoc in home, job's not going well, money is short, and a whole other slew of treacherous stories. During conversation, I would interject, 'but how does this effect you personally?'

Much to my dismay, that query is usually left unanswered. Clearly we have all been in similar communication and being compassionate persons we are, we might ask, 'so what are you going to do about it?' The most common response, 'I don't know...' or '...I can't do anything about it...'

That's when conversation get's sticky. Now that other person has literally poured out his heart to you about all demons in his life, we human beings are compelled to offer our intricate advice on how to deal with their problems. Though well intended, most of our advisement will fall on deaf ears when individual in question, is inviting misery in her life.

What do I mean by 'inviting misery?' Who would invite misery into his life? We are all guilty of inviting misery into our lives at one time or another. Suddenly, we are faced with a problem and because problem has clouded our logic, we can not and will not accept helpful advice. Instead, we harp on problem. We permit problem or problems to rule our individual lives and lifestyles. Because we succomb to problem, we begin to 'live' problem. How does that happen? We begin to live problem when all we can do is rant and rave about it, but subsequently, do nothing about it.

So now we're back to square one.

Here is a hypothetical example:

Joe is no one in particular - he could be your best friend, co-worker or brother. He is a divorced man in his mid-40s, works in a factory or office, and has raised two children by himself. His son is a narcissist who has a devil-may-care attitude and neglects his child. You're in mid-conversation and now you're faced with Joe's married son's issues. Joe begins to tell you all about how his son leaches off of him, brings his dirty laundry for him to wash, neglects his grandson, and doesn't listen to him for any parental advice. Joe has become so consumed by his son's wreckless behavior and unwillingness to modify his lifestyle that Joe himself has become a nervous wreck. So what do you do? You offer your friend your 'helpful' advice: 'Stop letting your son run your life...if he's not taking care of his child, turn him in...' What happens next is inevitable: "I CAN'T do that!"